So its been a year since I've written in here and I was accepted into an internship with Campus Crusade for Christ. Well a lot has happened and looking back at the title of this blog God definitely knew what he was doing lol.
Summer of 09 was spent support raising 24/7, working, leading youth group and dealing with life. Well I had a good amount of my support in, but unfortunately I didn't have enough to meet the deadline back in August but many didn't have their support in by that time as well. So I was given an extension until October/November but still nothing came in and by than I was just so discouraged. I question why I couldn't raise my support. Was it my lack of faith? What this not part of God's will for my life? Can it be that I'm a Latina, living in CT, not knowing many professional people who can give on a monthly basis effect the way I can serve in an organization like this? As you can see I've pondered these questions over and over in my mind. Yet I felt so confused, hurt, I just felt like a complete failure. Because this option was not in my "Plan" for this coming year. I never planned the "what if I don't raise my support". So here I am back in March I'm unemployed but still searching for a good full-time job.
I worked the summer of 09 got laid off by September because it was a temp job but I've been collecting from that but man I'm just ready to do something. Yet I have little motivation to do so. I know this can be my lazy flesh just acting up but I just still feel hurt from the whole year journey. I know God has called me to do this, to be part of Campus Crusade to serve and be a missionary but why did it work out this way?
Many of my friends have told me, maybe this is a time to get all your debts taken care off and then start fresh and by this time I can build a great network of friends who will give in the future. Which I can figure can be true and who knows maybe that's what God is doing.
I know that none of this(this whole process of joining Campus Crusade and support raising). I remember my family especially my mom was so hesitant of me joining. She pictured me going to grad school and becoming a Psychologist and open my own office. But I just don't see that my heart is for the lost. I love Christ, I love his love story aka Gospel, I want people to know and experience Him. I want to tell others i.e college students, students, adults, children just anyone about him. I must understand that although I can't do it as a full time job I can still do it at home while he's preparing for me next.
So I thought, let me give this blog some justice and update it although I know no one reads it. But although I didn't get to "reach my goal" God is good. I know he's brought me through this struggle for a reason that I'm still learning. Learning to trust, to grow and really to let go and let Him do the rest. Be encouraged and God bless!
Zori
