Well its been a very long time since I've updated this blog. Figured today would be a great day to update as I haven't been able to really process alot of things that has happened to me lately. Let's start with an update.
In about a week and a couple days from now I will be leaving to Italy! Amazing how two years go by, with more ups and down than a roller coaster and finally something good has come along and I can just go out and be free for at least a month. I'll be in Italy for about a month going on a summer project with C.C.C and really looking forward to it at least some part of it. Although I feel it's going to be a vacation it is far from it. I will be working with my other 3 co-workers on helping and mentoring girls who will be joining us as well.
Some things that I will be helping with that I'm definitely looking forward to is mentoring/discipleship. I haven't been able to really get the experience with my affiliate position at UConn so I'm hoping that with this I can really see if this "life" is what I'm really called to. I have yet to get a full-time or even a part-time job but idk I just feel its not the right time. Some moments I feel like I'm so afraid to get a "real job" and some other times I wish I had one so I can save up my money and disappear from everyone.
I've come to the realization that I have a lot of issues that I haven't resolved their all still up in the air and I'm just afraid to deal and face them head on. Some will result in broken friendships and moving on even when its really painful. Other decisions are more of wait and see but don't know what's really going to happen.
I'm so tired of running, tired of not confronting the main issues that are stopping me from really moving on and progressing. I don't know how I've let myself become some unstable, so closed and bind up. I've let my insecurities become the owner of my life instead of really surrendering them to God and letting Him help me through it all.
How do I let God help me though? How do I let go and let Him have it all? How can I give up my only companion in this sea of loneliness? How can I stand to be lonely again when everything else is just going in circles? I just don't want to be alone, to deal with these issues, struggles and decisions alone but I know I have to and I know this is what is best for me. Well I feel like I'm just going to repeat myself so I will end it here. Until next time Ciao!
